Travel Blog Chapter 1 : Leaving the Sunny, Claustrophobic Island

Almost 2 months before 26 May 2010, I went online and booked a flight to Ho Chi Minh City. On 26 May 2010, early in the morning on a Wednesday, my dad drove me to Changi Airport with my luggage that basically consisted only of a backpack stuffed full with 1 month's worth of possession. A budget backpack that was only 30 litres to serve its purpose; that is to be able to fit into the handcarry cabin of Jetstar Asia's Airbus. 

I didn't sleep that much because I was feeling very excited to at last do a trip on my own to Indochina. The plan was to start in Ho Chi Minh City as the first stop and eventually work myself to Laos. It was 6.30am when I checked in. The queue at the check-in counter was already very long at that time. To my surprise, I actually met a friend from NUS at the departure hall who was going to Thailand with his girlfriend.

Feeling very much awake by this time as I waited in my queue. Was feeling abit nervous as I only booked a ticket for handcarry and hoping anxiously that there would not be excess baggage. This mode of travel in which I have subscribed myself to would in fact turn out to be really advantageous later on in the journey.

Once I checked in without any hitch, with a sense of restlessness in my heart and excitement in my soul I hurried to the departure gate with a last glance at the airport, before proceeding to my waiting lounge to wait for my flight.

There is this sense of lethargy in Singapore that I wanted to get away from. Before this, there had been people who thought it was abit weird to go to Vietnam and Laos. Why? Well...Singaporeans if ever they go for holidays...usually go in groups and go to places like Bali, Bangkok etc if they were traveling within SEA. Vietnam and Laos...kindda ambiguous...which was precisely the point why I chose these destinations. Not really a lot of people I know have been to these places. And that was the exciting part. I didn't know what to expect.

"Happiness is only real when shared"

It's resurrection Sunday! Slept quite early last night...but resurrected at around 6am. haha.. Attended my cousin's wedding last night in Orchard. Felt very happy for her that she has at last found her life partner and settle down. When I watched her walked down the aisle I was thinking how fast time has passed. It was a beautiful moment and she looked serene and pretty as she walked hand in hand with her husband.

What's the meaning of resurrection? I think maybe to me it means joy, a breath of freshness, being with your loved ones and sharing this joy. We are not meant to be alone no matter how much we want to get away sometimes because towards the end of the day happiness is only real when you share it.

One of the best movies of all time I have watched is "Into the wild" which is based on the real experiences of Christopher McCandless, who after graduating in 1990 from Emory University, gave away his savings of approximately $24,000 and went on a long journey backpacking from California to Alaska. He ceased communicating with his family during this time. The movie was based on the book Into the Wild (1996) by Jon Krakauer. He went under the name Alex Supertramp when he was in the wild. It's an inspirational movie yet a very sad one when he starved to death in the wilderness of Alaska. His process of self-discovery was a response of his disappointment in humanity, society; having experienced a dysfunctional family himself.

But this whole process of understanding who he was, was really heart moving. One of his contemplations when he was alone in the wild.... "the sea's only gifts are harsh blows and, occasionally, the chance to feel strong. Now, I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing blind, deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your own hands and your own head..." His last words before he died was the self actualization that happiness is only real when shared.

Amazing movie, amazing story and genius depiction of a young man's search for his place in the world.

Nâcham Elohim ra'

It's been quite a few days since I blogged. Just felt like sharing a few thoughts that I have. I think this season of my life have has been a time when I'm questioning a lot of issues and areas which I used to hold true in the past.

Seeing that Easter is coming...tomorrow, just wanna share abit about a sermon I have heard recently. The sermon titled "When God repents" by Shane Hipps from Mars Hill Church. When I first heard it I was abit disturbed....how could God repent? This sovereign God, this Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end...how could this creator that created the very concept of creation repent? Essentially the bible read nâcham Elohim ra' in Jonah 3:10, in the original Hebrew. Nâcham Elohim ra' means God repented of evil. This was in context to how God reacted in the face of the Ninevites repentance. He explained that it seemed to be that it was a mirroring effect so that the Ninevites know that they were not alone as they went through the process of repentance.

It is akin to how a baby would smile at the mother and the mother would smile back, establishing trust with the baby. It is liken to how when your friend smiles at you, you smile back to acknowledge trust. And it is a prophetic statement that was made available to those who could see a relation between the phenomenon and Jesus humbling himself...in a sense, in repentance for us, when He was crucified. Essentially God was humbling Himself, going against His nature to make us feel comfortable and having the assurance that He is with us as we go through life's battles

I was thinking seriously about my personal reaction of why I would react that way when I heard that God repented in the bible. Well...how should I put this? I think very often we think that God is a mechanical, principled organic holy entity. Yes he's a person, we can have a relationship with Him but at the same time...we ignore or we discredit Him as someone who can have a whole range or spectrum of behavior in a contextual situation. Could God have repented? That idea sounds blasphemous...but really when you think about it, why not? If God is a person as we always say He is, and he's humble as we like to praise him for, I don't think it is beyond God to acknowledge that hey..."I wanted to really bring judgment upon you guys but now I know..I should have been more gracious..hey I was quite angry...I'm sorry..it would have been horrible if I did what I did when you guys didn't really know the extent of your sin." Its liken to perhaps a couple quarreling...and the husband apologized that he was in the wrong. The wife also apologized and said that she shouldn't have been too quick to judge. I think that is not beyond God. Have we become so fixated on a certain idea of God that we dare not explore new grounds of what God can be?

To me Easter is about understanding the humanity of God, the flexibility, the all encompassing grace and love of God. Grace is Jesus personified. Grace is never a balance, because you cannot preach a balanced gospel. The very concept of grace is overriding, overwhelming and overflowing. When we talk about grace I think it becomes an oxymoron when you say that we need a balanced grace gospel.

One day too late-Skillet

Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late

Feel the moment slip into the past
Like sand through an hourglass
In the madness I guess I just forget
To do all the things I said

Time passes by
Never thought I’d wind up
One step behind
Now I’ve made my mind up

Today I’m gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
’Cause we don’t have long, gonna make the most of it

Today I’m gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
’Cause tomorrow could be one day too late
One day too late
One day too late

Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can’t erase and I can’t rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do…
Wish I’d spent more time with you

Here’s my chance for a new beginning
I saved the best for a better ending
And in the end I’ll make it up to you, you’ll see
You’ll get the very best of me

Your time is running out
You’re never gonna get it back
Make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last

Objective truth? You think that is possible?

I think that truth is a very subjective thing. Your truth is contextualized by your social and cultural capital. How you see situations is often through a certain veil. That veil or perspective is never objective but very subjective built upon various agendas and motivations. Anyone that says his version is the perfect version or his version or account of something is the most objective one in the process of emphasizing that particular truth in fact subjugate the objective stance that it tries to take.

I'm thinking about pastoral workers. I think that pastoral workers cannot see a lot of tangible benefits usually in what they are doing. As such, there is a form of coping mechanism that these people need to engage in. They are dealing with intangible concepts and theories that seem very difficult to be proven; eg. the existence of God. Due to that, they need a form of structure in their lives. Like a certain sociological professor who mentioned in his blog that pastors preach because they need a form of tangible routine to cope with the intangible product that they are developing. I think perhaps I could bring that idea abit further?

Pastors preach to cope with the intangible product development and they preach a certain version of truth and required it to be an unquestioned version of truth because that version of truth, though socially constructed, becomes a form of psychological pillar that they can build their self-worth on. But like what I mentioned, when there is an overt emphasis on what they believe to be true, are they not in fact de-emphasizing the objectification of the truth?

And I think that's why church organizations around the world try to have more activities during the week. The church is becoming a social organism because the people running it needs these structures to increase their level of self-worth. Can we allow ourselves such a perspective, to think of church in this way? Are all the events that are run by the church a form of coping mechanism to deal with the need for the development of self worth and aid in the development of identity? So when you look at the sociology of the church life, you get the idea that apart from the spiritual education that the congregation may receive through structured events but in fact could such structured events be the manifestation of the need for pastoral workers to cope with the intangible product development that they are engaging in?

I believe that the church life or christian life is a very fascinating phenomenon. And I don't think that we should just accept what we perceive as the norm..but we should in fact embark on a process of deconstructing it. I think when you do that..you are left with more questions than answers and that's what makes God so amazing and so unfathomable. If at the end of the day we are left with even more questions and doubts than answers I think we are definitely on the right track. Isn't that what God is like? If you have an answer to everything then you are defining God..which in fact isn't the very concept of God undefinable? I feel that this journey with God needs to be built on more doubt than absolutism.

Living in the moment

Went for a relaxing run to Sembawang beach. It's really wonderful to live in this part of Singapore..even though people always joke that it is very "ulu". Hahaha...but "ulu" is good because over here there's a lot of forested areas, places to explore, and really wonderful running routes. I'm a person who always feel God the closest when I'm surrounded by nature. Nothing beats standing on a rocky platform staring into the open sea as the sky cracked with lightning and the strong wind massaged your cheeks. Yep..Sembawang is the place to be.

But that's not why I'm blogging...yea I went for a run. Haven't done that regularly for some time..and it felt awesome! Had a conversation with God in my mind as I was walking back. The whole conversation revolved around living an abundant life. The conclusion basically is that I had a revelation, or more like an impression that...we got to really live life in such a way that we know that we are in the moment. You know how sometimes you are on stage, giving a speech then suddenly you got this deja vu or this feeling whatever you call it that it feels so right to be there doing what you are doing? Or for the sports fanatics out there how sometimes when you are running, swimming, whatever.. you know you are engaged in the activity and it feels so right that you know you are in the moment? The kind of feeling seems to be inexplicable but you just know that you are at the right place, doing the right thing, at the right time.

In that moment, you are contented, things may not be totally alright around you but you know that this is where God wants you to be. I believe God is found in that moment. Anyway just feel very refreshed now!

Discerning between the command and the promise

The bible stated in John 15:1-5..

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Some preachers like to interpret this verse in the way that if you do not bear fruit, you will be cut away. As a result of that people go away feeling condemned, thinking that they are not good enough because they are not bearing enough fruit. I believe that verse is misinterpreted. The focus was never on the fruit. If we are so focused on the fruit all the time, the fruit becomes the idol. If a focus is continually on growth, or success, then if you are not careful..you make growth and success to be the idol. I believe that was never God's intention.

The words, "takes away" or in some other versions "cut off" in the Hebrew meaning is really "lifted up". In Israel's vineyards, when a branch is not bearing fruit, the branch is lifted up to a higher position so that it can be exposed to more sunlight and bear fruit. That is the proper translation of the words "cut off". There would be preachers around that would say that you need to bear fruit, and use the negative experience of being cut off as a tool to get you to work harder. But that is not scriptually accurate. Therefore people who say things like we need to chop off those unfruitful has got it all wrong. Those unfruitful Jesus will lift up and edify so that they can be fruitful as you abide in Him.

We need to discern between the promise and the command. The promise is "bear fruit" and the command is "abide in me". As you abide in Jesus, you would bear fruit in the right season and at the right time. Therefore you are not working for the promise, but rather you are entering into a promise. We make bearing fruit to be a law, a system of rules and regulations if we focus that as the command. We turn the gospel of salvation upside down by saying that you need to bear fruit to be qualified. These are erroneous teachings that put people into bondage. 

Therefore in the same way, we are not blessed because we give to God but we are already blessed by God. This was the Abrahamic promise that was given thousands of years ago. A will once it is given, in this case a covenant, cannot be nullified. Therefore you are not working for the promise of the blessing but you are entering into that promise. 

In the right season, at the right time you will enter into these promises.